"Up Penny Lane"

One day, a teacher in a high school class was administering a test,
and she noticed that four pupils were missing.
The first one came in.
"Why are you so late?" the teacher said to him
"Sorry, miss," he said. "I've been up Penny Lane."
She told him to go sit down.
Then the second pupil came in.
"Why are you so late?" she said to him.
"Sorry miss," he said. "I've been up Penny Lane."
She told him to go sit down.
Then the third one came in.
"Why are you so late?" she said to him.
"Sorry miss," he said. "I've been up Penny Lane."
She told him to go sit down.
Finally, the fourth pupil, a girl, came in.
"I suppose you've been up Penny Lane, too, then?"
"No, miss," she said to the teacher. "I am Penny Lane"

"Woman and the Midget"

A tall woman met a midget at a party. The midget was barely three
feet tall, but they were attracted to each other. After a few drinks,
the two went back to the tall woman's apartment.
"I can't imagine what it will be like making love to a midget,"
said the woman, "especially with the size difference and all."
"Just take off your clothes, lie back on the bed, spread your legs,
and close your eyes," said the midget.
The woman did as she was told, and soon she felt the biggest thing
she had ever experienced inside her. Within a few minutes, the woman
had climaxed eight times. 
"If you think was good," said the midget with a
smirk, "just wait till I get BOTH legs in there!"

.

"Cojones" - Bonus Joke

An American tourist went into a restaurant in a Spanish provincial
city for dinner, and asked to be served the specialty of the house. 
When the dish arrived, he asked what kind of meat it contained.
"Sir, these are the cojones," the waiter replied. 
"The what, you say?" exclaimed the tourist. 
"They are testicles of the bull killed in the ring today," explained
the waiter. "They are the delicacy of our country." 
The tourist gulped, but tasted the dish anyway, and found it
delicious.
Returning the following evening, he asked for the same dish. 
After he finished the meal, the tourist commented to the waiter,
"Today's cojones are much smaller than the ones I had yesterday." 
"True, sir," said the waiter. "You see, the bull, he does not always
lose."